Quackery
The Theory of Everything

Cosmic Pickles

In the beginning, there was no space, and time was fuzzy. Oh and there was this Singularity.

This Singularity, being single, was granted extra syllables, which is how a simple word transforms into the infinitely complex creator of everything. Single becomes Singular becomes Singularity.

Try it out! Simple. Simplistic. Simplisticity. Ha! “Well, first we must understand the nature of simplisticity.” See how it works? We’re making science!

And this is how we deal with cosmic pickles. Like, where did everything come from? We have to account for the presence of matter, “which is neither created or destroyed,” which by definition suggests it is eternal. But nothing within the time-space continuum can be eternal, without being extra-dimensional. Matter is therefore not extra-dimensional, by definition. This, then, is a paradox.

When there is a paradox, we must find another explanation to resolve it, or else our current understanding is not balanced, not entirely cohesive. A theistic explanation satisfies by stating an extra-dimensional source of intellectual design is at play. However, an atheistic approach will never consider any acknowledgement of “design” which would allow for a “designer” (although I would argue that they do anyway, by assigning intelligence and omnipotence to “the singularity” and “evolution” and “nature”).

Everything in existence, we are told, is a product of random chaos (though we now know, even chaos possesses order). The model which most of “leading scientists” seem to promote is, in the beginning was The Singularity, a single point of time and space, which was all at once all-encompassing and non-existent, infinitely dense yet technically without mass. The concept, it seems, is that of a cosmic pustule stuck in the skin separating reality from non-reality. A great space vacuum or sort of phantom zone. There is no basis for this, except that an explanation must be made to explain what the atheistic model cannot explain through the lots-and-lots-of-time + lifeless-matter + random-chance = creation-of-everything model. The singularity, which didn’t exist, exploded, sending massive amounts of matter and energy into existence, causing the beginning of the universe, creating all the forces such as gravity and magnetism and electromagnetism.

And that, apparently, is how nothing created everything. That is one heck of a work of science.

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About Quackzalcoatl

Phoneticist, Palindrologist, and freelance Sharknadologist. Inventor. Ruler of 2-acre lakes and small streams.

Discussion

9 thoughts on “Cosmic Pickles

  1. Thank you. That was an excellent explanation and phrased so that even I could understand it.

    Posted by yourothermotherhere | 4 September, 2013, 3:43 pm
  2. Yes.

    Posted by yourothermotherhere | 5 September, 2013, 2:30 am
  3. LOL! I never quite thought of the atheist view that way… It is funny when you take it all back to it’s “beginning” so to speak… “Well you see? Nothing existed, and then “bang” it just was! That’s MUCH more plausible than believing in an infinite God!”

    Posted by James82 | 5 November, 2013, 5:26 am

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