Quackery
Fiction

Mulligan

Moon_Explosion_by_melonhead118When the moon exploded, I kind of had a bad feeling things weren’t right. Kind of like when the sun went out last month.

Nobody said my job was easy. Planetary technicians often did the grunt work for the empyreal engineers. And our boss was not going be pleased with our progress, especially considering the walk-through was scheduled for next week.

The folks over in Andromeda weren’t having any luck either, but no one really gave a rip about Andromeda. It was all about the Earth. And the moon.

“Did you at least get the oceans right?”

“Uh, yeah, I think so. You wanted ‘em all over, right? I dug out some trenches like you said, and topped it off with some volcanoes for variety.”

I was particularly proud of the volcanoes. We used to do mock-ups in school, but to finally have them full-size and functional was quite something.

“Well, we’ve gotta get that moon straightened out.”

We quickly collected the debris and put it all into the big dipper.

“Are you sure we HAVE to have a moon? Why can’t we just pull Mars in a little closer?”

“Boss-man wants to add another planet and use Mars for its moon, so no. We can’t use Mars, idiot.”

“Fine. We’ll fix the damn moon then. I  don’t understand the big deal, anyway. This would work so much easier if we just used a couple smaller moons instead of one big one. The physics involved would be far simpler.”

“You were supposed to be the best planetary technician in your class. This moon should be an easy challenge for you.”

Yeah, but the moons I’m used to dealing with weren’t quite this big, proportionally anyway. This one was like, one-fourth the size of the planet.

Well, I helped the engineer piece it all back together, and then came up with an idea.

“Why don’t we smack it down with some asteroids? Cratering will help stabilize it and keep it more intact.”

The engineer considered this for a moment, studying the contours of the lunar surface with his hands.

“Okay, go grab some asteroids. While you’re doing that, I need to check on some of your mountain ranges. I think you got a little carried away on some of them.”

I’d forgotten how much fun it could be, smashing the moon with space debris. The explosions and intermittent shockwaves were brilliant! Once I was finished, I polished it off by sticking it in the sun for a few minutes, and it was ready to go! No way it was going to blow this time around!

A week later the walk-through went on schedule, and we got pretty good marks for our work. Nothing perfect, but as they say, it was good enough for now. I mean, it was for the humans, after all. How perfect did it have to be?

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About Quackzalcoatl

Phoneticist, Palindrologist, and freelance Sharknadologist. Inventor. Ruler of 2-acre lakes and small streams.

Discussion

4 thoughts on “Mulligan

  1. Love it! Part of a larger story?

    Posted by john zande | 16 October, 2013, 7:22 am
  2. This makes me think of the Elohim creating the Heavens and the Earth here. Cool.

    Posted by Alice G. | 16 October, 2013, 8:11 am

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