Not everyone who delineates from their faith ends up abandoning themselves to the strongest wind. Fire can incinerate weaker elements, and strengthen others. I’ve been in the flames so much by now, I’m looking to build a winter home on Venus.
Look beneath the surface of my skin, and you will see a composit core of invincibility. An eternal union with the Infinite Designer of all things — whose name is, properly translated, “I bring to pass what I bring to pass.” He is immaterial, massless, measureless, and timeless.
Is He invisible? No. He is infinite. He is everywhere I look for Him.
No matter how many times I empty out my mind, forget what I think I know, dismiss everything accepted by me from the minds of others, I never depart from this core understanding of who I am.
What am I left with beyond that? Me = (organic machine) + (conscious soul) * (spiritual thingamabob)
Let’s plug some symbols into it: Me = ℜ + Œ * §
ℜ = (DNA*Organic matter) – (disease+entropy*time)
Œ = (n/a mass)(n/a time)+(energy)(sentience)(“heart”)
§ = (n/a mass)(n/a time)+(divine constant)*(1 or 0)
I’ll play around with it more when the mood strikes.
The other thing I’m left with is the Book of Books, preserved and passed down through the ages. I am aware of all the science discounting it — and after spending the past 25 years going down every rabbit hole and twist and turn these skeptical claims take me, I am left with one astonishingly incontrovertible fact: The Bible is what it says it is. The evidence within is beyond my ability to explain away or fully comprehend. I could spend the next remaining years of my life writing and chronicling the serious problems with skeptical scholarship, but I won’t.
My concern is understanding. Knowing what I really know about the contents. Words and concepts have become meaningless to me in English, the language I’ve learned with. Written in Hebrew, I will learn Hebrew. Written in Greek, I will learn Greek. I will learn to see beyond my culture, beyond my prejudice, beyond the understandings imposed on me, and I will see things for what they actually are.
I will force myself to be brilliantly ignorant.